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Simple Steps to Feeling Good Enough

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Do You Struggle to Feel Good Enough?

Are you someone who’s constantly questioning whether you’re good enough? Would you love to boost your confidence, feel more assured, and get rid of those relentless doubts in your mind?

The good news is, confidence is a skill that everyone – including you – can learn and develop over time. 

Using strategies like self-care, tackling negative self talk and fully embracing your unique self, you will begin to feel more than good enough.

“Good enough is good enough. We're not supposed to be perfect. We're supposed to be complete”.

Jane Fonda

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What Life is Like When You Don’t Feel Good Enough

Within my work as a counsellor, feeling not  good enough is something that many of my clients experience, and is something that I relate to myself.

Feeling like you’re not good enough can present as imposter syndrome in your work. It may be what causes you to step back or not take opportunities when they arise.

You miss out on life experiences, potential work opportunities, and of course, the impact it can have on your confidence and happiness in general.

On a personal level you may lack confidence in yourself, and believe that you’re unworthy of love and experiencing nice things.

Some of the common things that clients express include:

  • Not feeling capable despite being able and actually doing the work
  • Lacking in self belief
  • Not trusting in their own decision making
  • Mental health issues, in particular anxiety & depression
  • Feeling angry or frustrated a lot of the time
  • Avoiding events – personal or professional
  • Missing out on opportunities that could benefit you or your career
  • Motivation lapses leading to unfinished projects
  • Addiction
  • Unhealthy lifestyle choices – e.g. lack of sleep / over or under eating

Impact

Those who don't feel good enough often base their personal value and worth on their achievements and status. This can result in overcompensating for what they believe their failings are.

What I notice during these moments of self doubt is a strong need to do and be more. A strong pull to make more of an effort, or to push my limits to breaking point, just to ensure that I get everything completed as perfectly as possible.

The fear of being judged as ‘less than’ is probably one of the biggest motivators for me when I lack this confidence and self belief.

Steps to Feeling Good Enough

There are a few things you can do to improve your confidence and self worth that will help you to feel good enough.

Awareness of what you’re feeling and understanding why you may feel this way is key. You may choose to seek therapy, or work with a mindset coach. For many who don’t feel good enough it’s not due to hidden trauma, but being able to process your feelings, and make sense of why you feel this way can be invaluable.

Not everyone wants or is able to work with a therapist or coach, so let’s explore some other strategies.

Self Acceptance

Self acceptance is a fancy way of saying that you accept who you are as a person – and not just the positive things!

It’s about showing yourself grace and compassion, without judgement or criticism. Nobody is perfect, so what causes that drive to be perfect at all times, and in all situations?

Regardless of your successes or failings, you are deserving of love and respect – from others and from yourself.

Recognise & Embrace Your Unique Self

Everyone is different, with different values, strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes and personality.

You have had your own unique experiences in life that contribute to who you are today. You will have faced your own challenges, shown resilience during difficult times and also achieved many things – big or small.

There will be several things that you have overcome, where you showed strength and courage, and times you will have made a positive impact on others.

In today’s world, with social media, the influence of seeing others “living their best life” can have a huge impact on how you view yourself.

It can be too easy to see what others are sharing, then compare yourself and your own life to their snapshots. It can feel like you’re doing something wrong, or that you’re not good enough, when you compare yourself and your life to theirs.

How to overcome this?

  1. Recognise and Celebrate your Unique Worth as the Person you are.

Those experiences you’ve had throughout your life, those challenges you’ve faced and overcome, and the love and kindness you’ve shown to others – recognise them and celebrate YOU!

When you begin to acknowledge your achievements you will start to improve the low opinion that you have of yourself and recognise your qualities.

  1. Challenge Negative Narratives

Take a moment to think about how you speak to yourself. What is your inner narrative like? Is it hostile and critical? Does it name call and mentally beat you up if you “do something less than perfect?”

Having an inner critic increases self doubt and lowers self confidence and self worth. When you focus on challenging this, you will become more compassionate and kind to yourself.

Some simple steps to do this are:

Whenever you notice that the negative narrative is starting, challenge it. Call it out like you would do if someone was saying it to a loved one or friend. 

Replace negative thoughts “I’ll never achieve this” to “I’m going to try to do this”.

Work on all or nothing and universal thinking. If you’ve ever experienced chronic worry or anxiety, these thought errors can be common. Instead of thinking things like:

“This is too hard, I’ll never achieve my goal”, replace it with “This is going to be challenging, but each step I take is helping me move towards my goal”.

Remember – thoughts are not facts! Once you begin to challenge this thinking, you can identify whether the thought is based on fact or misconceptions. A great exercise is to find evidence to challenge the thought so that it no longer holds any relevance for you.

Declutter Your Mind & Environment

When you’re focused on improving your confidence and self worth, there are a few different things you can do to support this.

The key is to not increase pressure on yourself when you try these things, and to also find what works for you.

Pay attention to any immediate expectations that you place on yourself when you begin this journey to increase your confidence and self worth.

If you don’t feel good enough and find yourself needing things to be done perfectly, make the intention to approach this with grace and compassion.

Journaling

Journaling can be so therapeutic, especially when you have a loud inner critic that thrives on fear-based thoughts and self criticism.

Journaling provides space for you to openly explore your feelings and emotions without judgement. It’s a method for you to dump the persistent worries and repetitive thoughts swirling around in your mind.

You can free-write or use guided prompts to help focus your thoughts and writing. Either is a good option, it depends on how comfortable you feel with journaling and what your goal is.

Free Writing – Set a timer for 10 / 15 / 20 minutes, or however long you have. Then, paying attention to how you’re feeling, both physically and mentally, begin writing. Once you get into the flow it can be amazing where your thoughts and writing takes you.

I often find the words tumbling out without thinking too much about what I’m actually writing. I always seem to have breakthroughs when I write like this, which is why it’s my favourite.

Guided Journaling – Using prompts to guide your thoughts can be very effective. If you’re working on a specific issue, using prompts to guide you through reflection can be very powerful.

If you’re struggling with what to write, start with guided journaling until you build up your confidence. There’s no right or wrong way to do this, it’s simply about getting those thoughts and fears out of your mind and onto paper.

This acts like a declutter of your mind, which helps you to think more clearly, feel calmer, and able to challenge that inner critic.

Declutter Your Space

Decluttering your physical environment can also have a great impact on your current mindset and sense of happiness and calm.

When things build up and feel messy, it can become harder to relax or concentrate. These cluttered environments can trigger feelings of being disorganised or not in control of things.

I always feel great after I’ve decluttered a room or even just my desk. It feels less chaotic and much more calming.

Set Achievable Goals For Confidence Growth

Mel Robbins spoke about this in a recent podcast and it was so relatable. When talking about what makes people happy, Dr. Tal Ben Shahar explained that it’s not in the achievement of the goal that makes people happy, it’s in working towards the goal.

When you’re working towards something, it gives you purpose. Whether this is a professional goal, or a personal one like improving your confidence and feeling good enough.

If you're currently basing your happiness off of “when I achieve this I will be happy” it's probably causing you to feel more unhappy. But, when you focus your mind to work towards something – to improving your confidence, you get to be happy right now!

But, be careful that you don’t overwhelm yourself with goals. Especially when you’re working on yourself. You want to feel good about what you’re doing, you want to feel motivated and inspired. These feelings are what helps you to keep the momentum going and increases your confidence as you gradually move closer to your goals.

Manageable Steps

Ensure that you set yourself realistic goals. You don’t have to use the SMART goal system, but it’s a good idea to make sure that:

  • Your goals are realistic 
  • Your goals are achievable
  • You can monitor your progress

Celebrate Your Wins (All of Them!)

As you’re training your mind to focus on your achievements and value as a person, celebrating your wins is one of the best ways to do this.

Not only is it highly motivating to celebrate yourself and recognise what you have achieved, it’s helping to lessen the power that the inner critic and self doubt holds over you.

You don’t need to be doing life-changing things to celebrate yourself. If you wrote in your journal today – celebrate it. If you challenged a thought – celebrate it. If you showed yourself kindness – celebrate it!

This is helping you become your own cheerleader. It’s helping you to value yourself exactly as you are.

Self Care & Self Compassion

Okay I have spoken a lot about self compassion, but that’s because it’s so important. When you choose to be kind to yourself, it becomes harder to be mean to yourself.

The more you grow to love the person that you are, you’ll be more inclined to be compassionate and kind to yourself rather than critical.

When you prioritise self care as part of your day-to-day life, you’ll also begin to value yourself more.

Think about it – if you don’t feel good enough or worthy, why would you bother investing time into yourself?

By making self care and compassion non-negotiables, you’re subconsciously shifting your perspective, and valuing yourself more. 

You don’t need to make big gestures for self care if you don’t have the time or money to do so. Simply adding in time for you each day is enough. 

Self Care Ideas:

Daily journaling

Meditation (5 mins is enough if pressed for time!)

Daily exercise / movement

Mindful walk in nature

A long bath with scented bubbles & lit candles

Reading / Listening to an audiobook

Lighting a candle & relaxing on the sofa / in bed

Extra rest breaks during the day

holding your boundaries with work & other people

Daily phone detox from 5pm

Talking with a friend / loved one

Gardening

Hobbies – time dedicated daily or weekly to things that bring you joy

Positivity / Gratitude daily practice

Final Thoughts

Not feeling good enough is something that many of us experience. It’s something that can lead to a person limiting their life and experiences, because they do not feel able or even deserving of experiencing good things.

Often those who struggle to feel good enough have low self worth and low confidence. The persistent chatter from the inner critic becomes too difficult to ignore, leading to chronic self doubt.

There are different things that you can do to improve your self worth and build your self confidence, beginning with self acceptance and learning how to manage and challenge the negative thoughts.

Once you’re able to accept yourself just as you are, it becomes easier to show yourself the love and respect that you deserve to experience.

You can also take a look at some of the guided journals I have available!

A candle flickering in background of pink coloured background with reflective light bubbles. The text in the middle says "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." Carl Rogers

Remember, You Are Good Enough

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Meet Lynsey

Lynsey Wall, Coach & Mentor at Coach Writes. About me - A headshot of Lynsey smiling. Wearing a black t-shirt, blue framed glasses. Office walls behind her.

Hey there! I'm Lynsey, a coach, counsellor, and mentor for low energy, introverted or low confident female coaches & small business owners. With over 5 years’ experience of running businesses, and over a decade as a tutor and trainer, I've learned the value of effective time management that energises you through working with your energy.

I've lived with chronic illness – ME/CFS since 2011 and since then I re-trained as a counsellor, and achieved a distinction for my MA in Counselling and Psychotherapy Practice; all while running 4 businesses! I want that for you as well & it is possible with the right support and pathway to success.

Improving your mindset, finding acceptance and developing a solution-focused approach to achieving your goals is my passion. Blending mental health support where needed, as well as a supportive space and methods to manage your work more effectively.

If you'd like to know more about working with me, you can email [email protected] or find me on socials (links in the menu)

Have you seen my online store Your Coach Tools? Find DFY templates & more!

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